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Thursday, January 20, 2011

Learning the Hard Way

So tonight is one of my two double shift nights. I work two jobs. A full time job Monday - Friday at a local Elementary School. Then, I work two nights a week at a Pregnancy Care Center. I teach Infant Care Classes on Tuesday nights, and then on Thursday nights I run the reception desk for the Anger Management Classes that we run. I get really exhausted sometimes working two jobs. But, I do this because a few years back I got into credit card debt. I owed over $14,000.00 just three years ago, now I only owe a little over $4,000.00. Sometimes I wish I could win money and just pay the debt off, or by some miracle somebody would just send me the money. But, life just doesn't work like that. We go through things the hard way sometimes because we have to learn a lesson through it all. I work two jobs killing myself to pay off this debt and do what needs to be done to get the job done. I am exhausted and wish that life could be easier. However, I know that I put myself in this situation by spending money I did not have and by not being a good steward of what I did have. Now I have to work hard to erase the mistake that I made. This is called consequences. I did not think about the consequences of my actions when I was using the credit card. I did not spend the money on frivolous things. I actually spent all of the money on my kids. Doctors bills, food, clothes, sneakers, school supplies, and many other things that my kids really needed and some things that they did not. I never figured it would catch up to me, then one day there it was a bill for over$14,000.00. I had to stop. But how? Actually, I will tell you how. My husband almost left me over this that is how! He accidentally opened my credit card statement and that was the end of my credit card. He was so upset he took off his wedding ring and wouldn't talk to me for weeks. I hurt him by betraying his trust with this secret credit card spending. It was as if I was addicted to spending money. I had no control over myself. I know God allowed my husband to find out about this credit card bill to set me straight and get me back on track with my life. I cannot tell you how horrible it was that my husband was so upset he almost walked away from our marriage. I mean he had some addictions and sins in his life and I never once threatened to leave him over it. But, with me God is tough. I know better than to betray my husbands trust by secretly spending money we didn't have. In some way I was mad at him because my husband had hurt me so much in our marriage. Then on the other hand, I was the praying wife, the intercessor, the strong Christian Godly wife. You know the Proverbs 31 woman. How could I have this secret sin? But, I did and God called me out on it. I had to face the consequences the hard way. I had to show God, my husband and myself that I can be resposible for my actions and change. I have to work two jobs now and kill myself for a season to get this bill paid. By the grace of God I am doing this. Not without blood, sweat and many tears, but I am doing it. I know I am not the same at all since this all happened. Instead of wanted to spend money, I am always on a budget now, I stick to that budget and I try to save whenever I can. I learned a very valuable lesson. Live life transparent and you will never have to face the hard lessons. He is what truly matters. God! Do not keep any secrets. This is my lesson in learning the hard way.

"For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ's return." Philippians 1:10


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