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Thursday, July 29, 2010

Take me out to the Ball Game.

Last night I had the rare opportunity to go to a Ball Game with my family. My husband's company gave him tickets for our whole family to have a wonderful night out together. I was excited to go. But... a little nervous too. I was raised to believe that when you go to the Ball Park you have to eat Ball Park food. It is a must! You must try the Ball Park Hot Dog, the peanuts, and of course the popcorn. In the back of my mind as we drove to the stadium all of these programed "lies" danced inside my brain. I had been brained washed by these lies for my entire life. How could I possibly overcome the power that these lies have over me and not eat Ball Park Food? So, the battle began. I had to remind myself of the simple guidelines that I was following for the past 4 months. Every time a lie began to dance it's flirtatious dance inside my head I began to combat it with the truth. So when I thought about how great a Ball Park Hot dog would taste, I reminded myself, "Angie, you are not hungry, you just ate. You are at a 4. Yes, a Ball Park hot dog is yummy, but obedience to God is better." Then when I started to think about the peanuts, surely I could have a peanut. I am in fact only at 4. One peanut would bring me to 5. I could eat a mere peanut. Again I was reminded, "Angie you just ate, you know you will not stop at one peanut, why torture yourself? You can fight this urge to eat, greater is He that is in you then that peanut." Was I really going to loose to a peanut?
So, we get to the Ball Park. As we were walking to the stadium from the parking lot, the smells assaulted me. They cried out to me. They beckoned to me. I knew my battle with Ball Park Food had really just begun. The mind battle getting to the stadium was only a preview, the real fight awaited me.
We entered the Ball Park, found our seats and sat in them. They were awesome seats. Right behind the dug out of the home team. We were in the middle of all the action. The mascot danced in front of us tossing free tee shirts and baseballs to the crowd. The Vally Cat dancers were dancing the chicken dance, the team players were signing my sons baseball, and I got a free give away. It was a perfect summer night. Not a cloud in the sky and a nice breeze to keep us comfortable in the warm summer night.
My only complaint, I wish I could have been more present in the moment instead of fighting a food battle in my head.
I could not tell you who hit a ball or who struck out, I was too busy looking at the hot dog the guy to my left was eating. I couldn't tell you the color of the valley cat's uniform, I was too busy looking at the family eating the ice cream Sunday's in front of me. I couldn't even tell you the final score, I was too busy noticing what all the others around me were eating too. Like the guy to my right with the bag of peanuts and box or popcorn. Or the little girl diagonal to me eating the cotton candy. I was too busy fighting not to desire food that I missed it all. The whole game. Before I knew it the game was over. I do know our team won, but I don't know by how much.
My goal, my hearts burning desire, is that through this journey to become Thin Within I can start to be present in my life again. That food and all that that word implies will not be my focal point. But that life and the fullness thereof will be my focal point. That the battle not to eat will be replaced by knowing I am where I should be and enjoying the moment when I am in the moment. That a peanut will not be the end of me. I mean really, a peanut! I end with this scripture that God led me to as soon as I got home and prayed about the night. This is my prayer and goal for myself today, at this very moment in my life.

>"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Phillipans 4:8


Heidi Bylsma said...

Wow, Angelina...what a great post. So, did you end up victorious? It sounds like it! I give you credit for being willing to fight the battle at all. I hope that sweet is peace and, yes, you WILL be able to be more present to your life! In many ways, giving up the extra food causes you to be so now as you aren't anesthetized by the food. You FEEL. That can be hard, but also exhilarating! We have used food to numb ourselves for so long to pain in our life, but we can't be selectively numb. We have also been numb to many of the joys life offers us. Oh, Angelina...I am so blessed to know you! I am sure our Father is sooooo proud of you. You radiate the glory of His SON!

angelina said...

Yes I did end up victorious!!! The peanut did not win:) Thank you so much for your encouraging words. You are a breath of fresh air in my life. Blessings to you:)

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