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Friday, July 23, 2010

The Heart of the Matter

So now you know how I am losing weight. The actual plan that I am following which is quite simple. Wait until I reach 0 (stomach growls), then eat. Stop at 5 (comfortably full). But lets get to the heart of the matter. My heart. I was thin my whole life until I hit 30. I was even lighter then my starting weight of this journey when I was 9 months pregnant for my boys. So how did I get overweight? Yes, I was overweight. I know 147.2 is not overweight for some of you. But according to my Doctor it is for me. I remember going for my yearly physical just 2 months ago and her telling me I needed to lose weight and I was considered overweight. I was in a size 12 sometimes 14. I was always a 2. I am only 5 foot 3 inches. I am small bones and petite. I weighed 90 pounds on my wedding day.This was a normal weight for me. As you see in the picture above. That is me on my wedding day.I looked healthy. I felt great then.
So what happened to me? It wasn't from having kids. I left the hospital after giving birth to both my boys in my size 2 jeans. I was diagnosed with thyroid disease when I hit 30. Maybe that was the villain. My hypothyroidism. Yes! This was it. While it is known that hypothyroidism causes weight gain. This was not the problem for me either. I was on medication for my thyroid disease. All my numbers were perfect with my hormone levels, so I should not have been overweight. But I was.
Thin Within has caused me to look past the Physical reasons and go straight to the heart of the problem. Literally to my heart. Each chapter caused me to look within myself to find out what emotions were causing me to run to food. In many cases I was running to numb the pain of my mediocre life. Food was my numbing mechanism when life was too hard, too overwhelming, too hectic, too painful and yes, even too boring. I ran to food. Lived for food. Dreamed about food. Thought of new ways to cook food. Studied and searched recipes for hours. Dedicated my precious, limited time solely to food. I was obsessed. How did Thin Within break my obsession with food? Simple really. I helped point me in a new direction. The right direction. It pointed me straight to God. The God always knew, but kept distant. the God that I had a relationship with, but through Thin Within that relationship went to a whole new level.
So what changes have I made? For starters I start my day, every day, with time in God's word. I read wherever my bible opens. I also pray and ask God to direct my day, my choices with food and I pray for others. I am learning to stop blaming my weight problem on the food and to start realizing it was my heart that had the weight problem. I began to start replacing my love for food with a desire and love for God. Then the hard part... I started to allow God to dig deep inside my heart and get some heavy junk out. I will post more about what He allowed me to discover in this digging process in later posts. But for now all I can say is let God get to the heart of the matter for you too. What is calling you to food? Are you sad, mad, hurt, bored, tired, or whatever the reason? Why does food call you to eat when you are not hungry? Look deep within yourself and allow God to show you why it is you run to food instead of Him? Warning this may be painful. But boy is it worth it. Enjoy the journey. It will get better.

"I pray out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith."


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