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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Cutting Deeper

Last night during a live chat with my Thin Within group, our wonderful leader said something quite profound. She mentioned how God is like a surgeon with a scalpel. Ouch! Was my reply. Every day I have a private prayer and meditation time with the Lord. During this time I open my bible every day to wherever it may fall and start to read. I was astounded when my eyes fell upon this scripture today.

"For the word of God is full of living power. It is sharper than the sharpest knife, cutting deep into the uttermost thoughts and desires. It exposes us for what we really are. Nothing in all creation can hide from him. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes. This is the God to whom we must explain all that we have done." Hebrews 4: 12-13

How powerful this scripture is. When I read it my jaw fell open in awe of Him. I felt for the first time in a long time His presence wrap around me. I feel His breath on my cheek and hear His heart as I laid my head on His chest. It was a special prayer and meditation time this morning. Life changing.

I began to reflect on one of the lessons in the Thin Within book that I did last weekend. It is called Mirror, Mirror. I cannot tell you the page or chapter this lesson was in because remember I forgot my book at my camp. But, I can tell you it had a profound effect on me. Basically the lesson was to go in front of a mirror and look at your self naked and exposed. Look and see yourself as God's workmanship. God's temple. I was very nervous about looking at myself in the mirror. I hadn't looked at myself in years. I never ever undressed near a mirror. No way! No how! But, I wanted to invest 100% into this book and it's teachings so I did it. I looked at myself in the mirror. Here is my journal entry for that day and that lesson.

OK day 4. Look at myself in mirror and what did I see... At first it wasn't pretty but I tried to embrace it and look deeper. Just a body on the outside. Yes, But can I look past the flesh into the spirit... the heart? It wasn't easy but I allowed God to wash over me and go deep. Past the flesh... I saw a wounded child. Hurt and confused. Wondering how I got this way. How? I have many "locked closet doors", that need to be opened. I will finally give God the key's back and let Him unlock the doors I kept hidden from Him and myself all these years. Clean out the cobwebs and find that hidden, deep hurt that I obviously have not forgotten or gotten over or I wouldn't be here. So the digging begins... I will no longer use food to numb the pain of this digging. I will instead work past the pain. Just like I did when I was in labor for my two beautiful boys. Have a focal point (Jesus) and breathe... Then in the end new birth. Can't wait to see what it looks like. Keep you posted.

God already sees what I have hidden deep within me. Even the ugly awful things. He loves me anyways. He loves me unconditionally. Yes, He does have to cut some of the disease and sin out of my life. But the pain of being exposed is so minimal compared to the pain of keeping the disease and sin hidden. My heart ached and I felt so tired and depressed when I tried to hide myself from God. But, I feel free now that I am allowing God to work on the deep things inside of me. As He uses His scalpel (His Living word), to cut away the dark places in me, I feel better, stronger and more alive then I ever have in years. I am truly becoming Thin Within and oh yea, I am getting thinner on the outside too.
What are some things God is cutting in your life? Where have you felt His scalpel? Sit back let Him cut and wait and see what comes forth from it. Go deep my friends. DEEP!


sunshinemama said...

So awesome Angelina, enjoyed reading this! Its encouarging. I have to totally agree and am experiencing that feeling, the pain of keeping the sin adn disease hidden instead of out in the open--its definitely more painful to keep it than it is to let the Lord remove it. Your blog is very nice!

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