I Am Learning

I am learning that I am not the tail, I am the head. I am not the bottom, I am the top. I am not forgotten, I am chosen. I am not last, I am first. I am learning that God's favor is on me. That God actually has my best interest at heart. I am learning that I have life and not death ahead of me. I am learning that I was not put on this earth to merely survive, I was put on this earth to have a more abundant life. I am learning that He did not turn His face against me and abandon me, His face shines radiantly upon me. He sees me. He knows me by name. I am the apple of His eye.

I am learning that my cup is not half empty, it is full and overflowing. I am learning that the place I reside is not desolate and empty, but plenteous and flourishing. I am learning that the trees of the field are not barren, but indeed are bearing an abundance of ripe, delicious fruit. The streams in the desert are not dry, but they overflow. There is abundance here. There is prosperity here.

I am learning that life is meant to be enjoyed not forebode. Life is meant to be lived moment to moment and not wished away. Life is a gift, to be opened with excitement. A gift from a loving Father that cares about us with such detail. HE CARES ABOUT US.

I am learning, soaking this all in.... GOD CARES DEEPLY ABOUT ME!

No Words...

I am at a loss for words today... this whole week really. It happens sometimes. You don't know what to say because there is just too much going on around you. I have learned that even though I am committed to writing I sometimes have no words to write. I am realizing that days like this are okay. It is okay not to have the words to say or write. Sometimes we have to just sit back and absorb life. Hold our breath, hold our tongue, and let our fingers rest from writing. To just step back from it all and watch. Watch what is happening. Live what is happening. Be in the moment while it happens.

Right now, this whole past year actually I have had to step back from life, words and stories... and just live in the moment. Live today. Live right now. Life is complicated, delicate and requires tremendous effort sometimes. Yet, life also has it's moments of effortlessness and free flowing waves and bursts. No matter where you are in life take a moment to just step back and admire the fine piece of artistic masterpiece that your life really is.

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."
Ephesians 2:10


Life... our life is a masterpiece created by a master mind. There is so much beauty that words cannot describe. So look close... admire.... be still for a moment and just bask in the priceless beauty that He created in this moment. He planned something wonderful. Something beatiful. No words can describe it. NO WORDS AT ALL.

There Is ALWAYS Someone Else

Today I learned that a friend of mine lost her beloved boyfriend. He died suddenly and unexpectedly of a heart attack on December twenty eighth. I was shocked when she walked into the church crying, I asked her what was wrong and she told me; "Les died." This particular woman has been a single mom for as long as I have known her. She after many, many years of being a single mom finally finds a wonderful man to date and was head over heals in love with him and he dies suddenly. It makes me think.... there is always someone else in your life that has it harder than you. There is always someone else that is facing a more trying time than you. ALWAYS!

Today is the first day of the New Year. A BRAND NEW YEAR! I am reminded today of all days, that despite whatever petty things I had to endure in 2011 they cannot even compare to what my friend has to go through by losing the love of her life at the start of this New Year. I must never forget what grief feels like. When I lost my dad to cancer... grief flooded my heart and soul like a river. It made me more sensitive to life and how vunerable it is, and how we only have one life here on earth to live. How every day brings us closer to death. How there is no guarantee for any of us that we will be here tomorrow. These realities made me see life for what it was. Precious, priceless and limited. The taste of grief is bitter but very important. It opens up our taste buds of life and makes us more sensitive to the sweetness when it comes our way. It makes this scripture come to life for me;

"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him."
Psalm 34:8

We can taste the salt in our tears, the bitterness of grief and pain... and we can also taste and see that GOD IS GOOD. His goodness cleans our pallets after we have to taste the bitter moments we sometimes have to taste. He is good and I know He will comfort my friend in her loss the way he comforted me when I lost my dad. There is always someone else. Pray for those someone else's. They could be standing right next to you this very moment. Perhaps your prayer or words can be the something sweet they need right now to see that He is good.

Hope for Tomorrow

So today is New Years Eve, and I am determined to be hopeful for the upcoming New Year. This past year has been very challenging, and I feel as though I have stepped back a few steps instead of moving forward. I am hoping that the New Year will bring with it some new hope and renewal of strength. I feel drained and tired. I know that there are seasons in life. I know that this current season in my life is a time of work, blood, sweat and tears.... but, tomorrow... yes tomorrow comes rest, prosperity and peace. There is always tomorrow. Always hope for joy to come in the morning. Though the night may tarry for what seems like eternity, morning always rises with the sun.

"Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without words, and never stops at all."
Emily Dickinson

With this quote I end.

Lesson's From A Japanese Proverb

Life can be complicated sometimes. Lately my life has been just that... complicated. Just when I think I am getting ahead, something happens that throws me back a million miles. I fall down hard sometimes. Then, I have get back up and start over. There is a Japanese Proverb that says this: "Fall seven times and stand up eight." I love this proverb. I makes me feel better about all the times I have fallen. I have to find the resilience to stand back up after each fall. Stand up tall!

Sometimes it is not always me that falls. It can be a family member that falls. When someone I love and care about falls down I feel as though I have fallen too. It hurts just as much too.

Today, is one of these days. A loved one has done something that they should not have done. Nothing horrible, or life threatening, just something they should not have done. It makes me sad and want to cry... but, it also makes me want to try harder. To be better. To teach more wisely. Although I cannot control the choices that my loved ones make, (only my own choices). I can however, educate them when they do make the wrong choice to make a better choice the next time. I can show them how to get back up, dust yourself off and try again. Supporting someone when they are at their worst can be difficult and painful, but that is the time when someone needs your support the most.

So, today I stand tall as I help pull someone else up after they have fallen. I will do this as many times as needed, until they can stand up tall on their own. This only makes my journey in life better.

Catching My Breath

So.... I have asthma. I was astounded when I was diagnosed with it 2 years ago. I was always very active. I ran eight miles a day when I was in school. After I had my kids I would bike for miles with them in tow. Then out of nowhere a couple of years ago I started losing my breath doing the simplest of things. I was even waking up in the middle of the night not able to breath or catch my breath. At first I thought it was panic attacks. Or rather, everyone I know that I explained my symptoms to told me it was panic attacks. Isn't it amazing how people you know become doctors and immediately diagnose you when you are having any kind of weird symptom. One friend of mine even convinced me that I was dying of lung cancer. So... I decided to call the real doctor and get this thing checked out. As I sat in the doctors office after explaining all of my symptoms and getting an x-ray, I was anxiously awaiting her diagnosis. She decided that there was incredible density in my lungs and referred me to a pulmonary specialist. I had to wait 2 weeks before I would see him though. During that time... I was convinced I was dying of stage 4 lung cancer. It was the most horrific time of my life. Just not knowing what was wrong with me, and expecting the worst case scenario to be wrong with me put me into a state of mind that I hope I never have to revisit any time soon. My incredible husband and adoring children reminded me every day that I was going to be okay. That there was no way God was going to take me from them. They were my Jonathan's as I was experiencing a David moment in life. After the two week of waiting was over, many tears were shed, and many sleepless nights passed I got my answer. No it was not stage 4 lung cancer... it was simply asthma. Adult onset asthma to be exact. All of the density in my lungs was merely scar tissue from having pneumonia so much as a child.

PHEW! I can't tell you the relief I felt. The doctor prescribed singular and a emergency inhaler. Two years later I am still on these medications and breathing much better. However, it is amazing what a thought of having an incurable disease such as stage 4 lung cancer can do to a person. This moment in my life changed the direction of which I was going. It caused me to rethink my life. Rethink my future. Rethink what really mattered.

As I reflect over this past year in preparation for entering into a New Year days from now, I can't help but remember how blessed I am. Yes, there are experiences this year I wished I hadn't had to experienced. There were moments I had hoped I had not had to live. But, mostly there was experiences and moments I am so thankful for. I want to enter this New Year being ever so thankful for the many blessings as well as the many trials I have faced. It is the bumps in the road that make us more resilient and stronger to face each new day.


"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward."
Author Unknown

Christmas Morning

This Christmas was a bit different then any other Christmas. I spent Christmas Eve at the Hospital with my mom. She felt like she was dying, so we called the ambulance. Thankfully it was just heart burn. But none the less I spent a few hours in the ER with my mom. This made me see things in a different perspective in my life. It is amazing what a trip to the ER can do to a person.

Just when you think you have all your ducks in a row, and life could not get any better. Seriously, what is better then Christmas with your whole family surrounding you? Then BOOM! You are in the ER, thinking the worst. Hoping for the best. Praying for a miracle. As my mom was breathing breath and being diagnosed with a non lifethreatening illness, someone in that same ER was taking their last breath. Family members gathered, saying their last goodbye. Life becomes clearer to the living. More vivid, more hopeful. But, for those who lose someone... on Christmas Eve, there life becomes a little dimmer.

So, as you gather around your Christmas trees, or Christmas dinner tables today remember this quote by Charles Dickens.

"I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys."


Look around you. People everywhere. Happy and hurting, Joyful and tearful, Rejoicing and greiving... they are everywhere... Spread to all the Christmas cheer:

"For unto us was born this day a savior JESUS CHRIST THE LORD."
Luke 2:11