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Monday, December 26, 2011

Catching My Breath

So.... I have asthma. I was astounded when I was diagnosed with it 2 years ago. I was always very active. I ran eight miles a day when I was in school. After I had my kids I would bike for miles with them in tow. Then out of nowhere a couple of years ago I started losing my breath doing the simplest of things. I was even waking up in the middle of the night not able to breath or catch my breath. At first I thought it was panic attacks. Or rather, everyone I know that I explained my symptoms to told me it was panic attacks. Isn't it amazing how people you know become doctors and immediately diagnose you when you are having any kind of weird symptom. One friend of mine even convinced me that I was dying of lung cancer. So... I decided to call the real doctor and get this thing checked out. As I sat in the doctors office after explaining all of my symptoms and getting an x-ray, I was anxiously awaiting her diagnosis. She decided that there was incredible density in my lungs and referred me to a pulmonary specialist. I had to wait 2 weeks before I would see him though. During that time... I was convinced I was dying of stage 4 lung cancer. It was the most horrific time of my life. Just not knowing what was wrong with me, and expecting the worst case scenario to be wrong with me put me into a state of mind that I hope I never have to revisit any time soon. My incredible husband and adoring children reminded me every day that I was going to be okay. That there was no way God was going to take me from them. They were my Jonathan's as I was experiencing a David moment in life. After the two week of waiting was over, many tears were shed, and many sleepless nights passed I got my answer. No it was not stage 4 lung cancer... it was simply asthma. Adult onset asthma to be exact. All of the density in my lungs was merely scar tissue from having pneumonia so much as a child.

PHEW! I can't tell you the relief I felt. The doctor prescribed singular and a emergency inhaler. Two years later I am still on these medications and breathing much better. However, it is amazing what a thought of having an incurable disease such as stage 4 lung cancer can do to a person. This moment in my life changed the direction of which I was going. It caused me to rethink my life. Rethink my future. Rethink what really mattered.

As I reflect over this past year in preparation for entering into a New Year days from now, I can't help but remember how blessed I am. Yes, there are experiences this year I wished I hadn't had to experienced. There were moments I had hoped I had not had to live. But, mostly there was experiences and moments I am so thankful for. I want to enter this New Year being ever so thankful for the many blessings as well as the many trials I have faced. It is the bumps in the road that make us more resilient and stronger to face each new day.

"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward."
Author Unknown


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