Waves of Healing

I thought a very profound thought today... Why do I let my past paralyze my today's? Why is it that yesterday's problems always stop today's restful moments and joyful triumphs? I am amazed at how hard on myself I am. I can't just let go of my past failures and mistakes. Instead I dwell on them as if I can change what has happened. As if I can rewrite what has already been written. Why do I do that? Dwell...

Some people say it is healthy to remember our past mishaps so that we do not repeat them again. I think there is some truth in that theory. However, I am learning, through a very painstaking process if I may say, that past surfing only leads us to getting buried under the enormous wave of hopelessness. I would much rather ride high above the wave towards healing. Ride to the shore where I will never be buried again by the waters under the bridge so to say.

I have allowed myself to be crushed by the waves. To be suffocated by the passing waters of time. I no longer want that for my life. I want the peaceful serenity of a restful day. The sunbathing day on the shore of right here, right now. I want to be able to feel the sun on my face and hear the gentle crashing of the water as it touches shore. I want to be in the moment. I am so tired of being in the place where I endured some of the biggest scars in my life. Of always being in that spot where the deep slashes occurred. The painful, deep cut from the knife that ripped the tender flesh of my heart and made me bleed and left me scarred. I want to instead be healed... be running on a beach and healed. Be running towards the waters with my surf board and ready to face the wave and ride it out. I want to ride the waves of healing today.... Right now, this very moment.