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Tuesday, February 21, 2012


Inadequacy... this word has haunted me all of my life. I have felt, tasted, lived and breathed this word. I have believed the lie of this word. Believed it stronger and harder than any other belief I have ever believed. Why? Why do I fall prey to this lie over and over again? Why?

I try to go over in my head where the lie of inadequacy first began it's deadly assault upon my life. The war was waged quite early in my life. I was led to believe I was an accident, led to believe that I was not good enough and led to believe that I would NEVER measure up.

I was picked over in gym, never given much of a glance from any teachers and I was certainly the brunt of many cruel and hurtful remarks by my fellow classmates most of my school year days. Yes, I was bullied. Beat up. Overlooked. Ignored. Made fun of. I was all of these things, summing up that I was INADEQUATE! NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

Here are some synonyms for inadequate : inapt, incompetent; incommensurate; defective, imperfect, incomplete.

My whole life I felt the burden of all of these words in my life. Every last one of them. These words have either screamed in my face or whispered in my ear that I am a failure. I will never succeed. I am the tail not the head. Stomping every last bit of hope I have ever had to succeed.

I have been trying to retrain my mind with God's promise of who I am and what I am worth. Reminding myself on a daily occasion that I am worth the death of an innocent man. I am priceless and valuable. I am the kid of the King of Kings. I can do ALL things... and the list goes on. Why do I have to work so hard to believe truth rather than lies? Why am I so deceived by the lie of inadequacy? When will I learn... finally learn that God will not abandon me as others have. He will perfect me. Fine tune me...

"The LORD will fulfill [his purpose] for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever--do not abandon the works of your hands."
Psalm 138:8

I will remember this instead of that. I am not inadequate, I am being perfected!


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