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Sunday, February 12, 2012

I Am Created On Purpose

I have been learning that the noise inside my head can be silenced. The lies that have held on tight to my mindset all of these years can be transformed by truth. I can finally see the light in the dark places. A break in the clouds. A rainbow after the storm. It is here. It has always been here. My views of them have just been limited. Limited by the mountain... by the thick smoke... by the heavy rain. But, the mountain has been removed, the smoke has lifted and the rain has stopped. NO MORE LIES!

I believed for the longest time I was not wanted or planned. I thought I was an accident. I was told that I was a huge surprise to my parents. My mom had thought she was in menopause when she discovered she was pregnant for me. She had no idea I was there. I took her by surprise. There is a nine year gap between me and my oldest sister. Although my mom and dad have always told me they loved me and that I brought joy to their lives, just knowing I was not planned and came as a surprise somehow made me think I was not wanted... I was an inconvenience. I am not sure why this lie gripped it's ugly grip into my soul, my essence... but it has. It has in ways that have really held me back. In ways that have made me think for the longest time, I don't fit in... I'm not good enough and I will never be of any great importance.

I struggled my whole life with the carrying of the burden that I was not wanted. It has shown up in my schooling, when I was at the bottom of the class. It has shown up in my friendships, when I have held on too tight thinking I will be rejected. It has shown up in my marriage, when I have thought that I could never be the woman my husband really wants. It has shown up in my parenting, thinking I will never be a good enough mother. I have been insecure about who I am and what I am worth my entire existence. But the lies stop now! I choose from this day forward to apply the truth of God's word as to who I am and what I am worth.

" And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows."
Luke 12:7

I am of value. Great value. I am cared for and loved by a God that comes close enough to count the very hairs on my head. He knows me. He sees me. He loves me. I was not an accident. I was created on purpose! God has a plan, a very important mission for me to accomplish. The lies stop today! I will believe what He says about me. I will believe I have a purpose, I have a meaning, I AM WANTED, I AM USEFUL! are you!


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