Something Beautiful

Sometimes I can't help but wonder.... what would life be like if only... I dream of something better. Of something different. Then, reality sinks in and slips me back into my life, my ordinary life and I realize that it really is not that bad. My life is actually really good! I have two beautiful healthy boys, a handsome and wonderful husband that I still love and he still loves me, after 20 plus years of marriage.

Sometimes I take it all for granted. Want a little more then I have been given. Complain a little more then I should. But, in retrospect who doesn't? We all forget what we have. Lose sight of the prizes in life that we have been given. Life just takes a toll on us sometimes and gives us blurry vision.

I feel like lately God has given me glasses to see things more clearly. To really see what is in front of me. It's like one of those moments where you are looking for something and it was right in front of you the whole time and you just couldn't see it. I finally see it. I see it clearly!

My life is good. My family is good. My marriage is good. I am blessed. I am truly blessed!

I am learning, to see... to really see what God has given me. It is something beautiful.

Do You Know?

I read a blog today from a mother who lost her son in a terrible car accident. He was a senior in High School and it was just before Christmas when the terrible accident occurred. In one of her blog posts she wrote about her sons hands and asked her readers if they knew... really knew what their child's hands felt like. If they could fell them in their minds without touching them? I cried hysterically as I read her post and felt her grief in every word.

Loss... it is something that compels us to remember every detail of a person when we lose them. The way they smelled, the way they felt, the texture of their skin and even the way their hands felt. If you have ever lost anyone in your life that you care deeply about you know what I am talking about. You know that every picture, every video, every piece of jewelry means something to you. It is like a priceless piece of treasure. I recently found a picture of my dad that I did not know I had and when I found it it felt like I had won the lottery.

When my dad passed away I took his sweater and a t-shirt from his drawer. I wanted something of his to wear, to have, to hold. I am actually wearing the sweater right now, this very moment as I write this blog and it makes me feel close to him. It makes me feel like he is here somehow. I wear the sweater every night as part of my PJ wardrobe. Sometimes I just run my fingers over the sweater and I can swear that if feels just like my daddy. Even though his scent no longer permeates the sweater, sometimes I swear I can still smell him when I put it on.

If I learned anything from the loss of my dad I learned this: Take time every day to really know your loved ones. To really listen to them, breathe them in, feel the texture of their skin and know for certain, beyond the shadow of a doubt what their hands feel like. Do you know? Do you really know?

The Rainbow

I have had a crazy long, exhausting week. My assistant at work was on vacation this week so I had a sub all week at work. I had to do all of my work as well as explain to the sub all week what she needed to accomplish. It was very busy this week to say the least. Work is nice and easy when everyone is there and things just run within the status quot. Whenever someone has a day off the other's have to pick up the slack when they are gone and the load of the work day can seem that much more heavy and difficult. Needless to say, all of the work got done. The sub did rise to the occasion but he flow of the day just wasn't there. There was a rip in the tide, a stone thrown into the still waters and some currents that had a rippling effect.
So here I am a survivor of the ripples and tide, on this majestic Saturday morning. I have a full week of Mid Winter break ahead of me, where I can rest and rejuvenate after a long, tedious week of ripple effect overload. I can't be happier. We all need calm still water time. We all need rest from storms, shelter from rain and umbrellas for cover.
I was always taught that God never gives us anything more than we can handle. With this being said... I also know from experience He has made us a whole lot stronger then we would like to think of ourselves to be. Sometimes the things that get thrown at us can seem so immense and way too big to handle, yet we find ourselves at the end of the storm after the eye has passed and we are none less of the wear. Here I am a survivor of the worst week I have had this year so far at work. I am here in the shelter of a God that knew I could handle whatever was thrown at me. I am here recovering... resting and ready to face this week of serenity as my reward. The reward always comes after the storm. The rainbow. The brilliant, bright and colorful rainbow!

Snow Day

I had my first snow day this year, yesterday. It was quite unexpected and very much appreciated. I was able to catch up on my housework, make a delicious homemade meal and spend time with my boys. I rested and caught up on some of the shows I missed because I have been too tired to stay up and watch them. I lounged on the couch with the dogs, and just allowed my body to heal. I haven't been feeling too well lately.
Sometimes we just need a day off to rest. Even God created a day of rest.
I looked up the word rest and found this meaning; "relief or freedom, especially from anything that wearies, troubles, or disturbs." I have been weary lately. I have been worried and troubled too. Life does that to us. It leaves us weary and troubled and worried sometimes. There are so many responsibilities to live up to. So many activities to attend, and so very many choices to make. Life can be disruptive and inconvenient. But then.... we get a snow day. A day of rest and all those inconveniences come into perspective. All of those choices are easier to make and all of the worries we encounter take a back seat to the serenity and peace our body has been longing for. We have our day of rest and life just seems... better.
Today is better then yesterday. Life is not so cluttered any more. I can breathe without having to use an inhaler. Snow days. Gotta love them! That is why God created a day of rest. We all need them. Thank God for them. Mine came in the form of a snow day. Ahhh....

The hands of a surgeon and the hands of a writer are exactly the same. The skilled, trained precision of  the right written words are exactly comparable to the skilled, trained precision of a surgeon as he cuts out cancer or mends a broken heart. The right words of a writer can heal the cancer of our souls and mend the places of hearts all the same. As I read other's writings I become healed from all the ills that plague me.

I am certain that the right words at the right time cause change, promote healing, cure and make all things possible. When we are in doubt and someone before us was in doubt of the same thing and wrote about it, as we read their triumph in every painstaking word that they write it brings a sense of resolve to our own souls. We carry the words that they wrote like a shield, like a sword to cut through and protect us in the battle we are facing. These words are the weapons of our warfare. They help us to reach the other side of defeat straight into victory!

Words can be the tears we need to cry, the lullaby we need to hear to get us to sleep, the umbrella we need to hold to shield us from the rain, the warm blanket we need to wrap around us when we are cold. Words are healing. Words are scalpels. Words are medicine. Words are victory!

Waves of Healing

I thought a very profound thought today... Why do I let my past paralyze my today's? Why is it that yesterday's problems always stop today's restful moments and joyful triumphs? I am amazed at how hard on myself I am. I can't just let go of my past failures and mistakes. Instead I dwell on them as if I can change what has happened. As if I can rewrite what has already been written. Why do I do that? Dwell...

Some people say it is healthy to remember our past mishaps so that we do not repeat them again. I think there is some truth in that theory. However, I am learning, through a very painstaking process if I may say, that past surfing only leads us to getting buried under the enormous wave of hopelessness. I would much rather ride high above the wave towards healing. Ride to the shore where I will never be buried again by the waters under the bridge so to say.

I have allowed myself to be crushed by the waves. To be suffocated by the passing waters of time. I no longer want that for my life. I want the peaceful serenity of a restful day. The sunbathing day on the shore of right here, right now. I want to be able to feel the sun on my face and hear the gentle crashing of the water as it touches shore. I want to be in the moment. I am so tired of being in the place where I endured some of the biggest scars in my life. Of always being in that spot where the deep slashes occurred. The painful, deep cut from the knife that ripped the tender flesh of my heart and made me bleed and left me scarred. I want to instead be healed... be running on a beach and healed. Be running towards the waters with my surf board and ready to face the wave and ride it out. I want to ride the waves of healing today.... Right now, this very moment.

Excuses, Excuses!

I know it has been a long time since I have written on my blog. No I did not start a new blog or anything like that, I simply just stopped writing. I could use a million excuses as to why I stopped writing, but the truth is there really is no good excuse. I just stopped. My life just took a stand still. I blocked out how valuable my time writing was and replaced it with the superficial things like "being too busy", and "not having enough time in the day" to write. Which were just excuses for me to be complacent. With this complacency came a sense of hopelessness that I was completely set free from a year ago. Writing is like a loosening of chains for my heart and soul. When I don't write it feels like heavy chains around my soul, around my heart and around my brain. Writing is like freedom. It loosens the chains that so easily entangle me and makes things clearer. Makes God clearer. When we see God clearer we are able to strive to be more like Him.

Many things have happened in my life since I last wrote a year ago. My oldest son graduated from High School and started his freshman year at College. My youngest started his first year of High School. I got promoted at work. My husband and I celebrated our 20th Wedding Anniversary and life got a little more complicated. Complications have a way of getting in the way of us doing the things that make us healthy and happy. Writing makes me healthy and happy and I have let life interfere with this avenue of blessing in my life for far too long. So today this second day of February 2013 I deceided to take back my JOY, lay down the excuses and write again. I write about how no excuse in the world should ever keep us from the love of a Savior. No excuse in the world should ever tear us away from JOY and HAPPINESS. I pledge to take the time to write and with every word I type a chain falls to the ground. Freedom rises up and healing begins again!

Have a blessed day!